Serenity Chapter 1 Excerpt:

It was 12:50 pm and extremely quiet for a Saturday in the quaint town they called Dusty Fellowes. Not a cloud was in the sky and the heat index gave proof to that fact nearing a 101 on the meter. More than one-hundred and thirty miles outside of Rochester, many city goers found Dusty Fellowes to be a perfect oasis away from the hustle and bustle of their every day. This would only seem to happen during fall weekends or the summer, however the town had grown to an impressive 8,600 people since New York’s prominent councilman retired there and made it his hobby to play mayor. Serenity quietly took in all that she was seeing as her mother maneuvered the surprisingly well paved streets in search of her daughter’s new home. Against all rules, including legal restrictions, Carolyn managed to out think an overworked underpaid social worker and left the Department of Human Services with the name and address of her daughter’s foster parents.

There were a few things that Serenity knew about her mother, and one was that Carolyn Caroline Morris got what she wanted out of life…never intentionally, it just happened that way. Sprouting from a long line of spoiled women who got their way; it was no surprise that her mother managed to get the information. It was in her blood obviously given the fact that her grandmother was allowed to give her mom the same first and middle name just because she liked how they both were spelled. Serenity, she thought, wasn’t so lucky to take after the family bloodline for women. Whenever she’d thought she would get what she wanted…it would be something far worse. After her walk for some ice cream turned into her being missing for a night, she stopped expecting and just started being for the sake of herself. It was that choice that led her to where she was now, in an off-brand town being removed from her friends and family.

She rubbed the letters M-A-G-I-C on her wrist with her right index finger. The black lettering looked bold on her golden yellow skin as if they stood for something and knew that they did. Her mother had grilled her for days wanting to know how she got a tattoo “when you’re only freaking thirteen, who in they right mind would do that,” she reminisced on how hoarse her mother’s voice had got from screaming. “It just happened!” was her only argument. It did just happen for all that Serenity knew. She didn’t dare tell her mom that her big cousins pressured her to walk with them to some boy’s apartment where they let the boys rub up under their clothes and eventually let one of the boys’ big brother talk them into letting him give everyone tattoos. She didn’t want to be there, and she wasn’t. She had spent the first thirty minutes waving away the strong aroma of marijuana and avoiding the awkward stares of the sixteen year old boy who was suppose to be there for her. When they pulled her into the kitchen for her turn, she closed her eyes and opened them to her mother screaming at her about it that day three summers ago. “I think this is the place Ren,” her mother’s voice broke her train of thought. The entire ride no words had been spoken between the two and Serenity had convinced herself that she was numb to her life being in shambles. Carolyn leaned over the steering wheel to see the numbers on the mailbox. Butterflies filled Serenity’s stomach as she reached for the door handle to her mom’s old wood panel station wagon.

Serenity stepped out of her mother’s car and faced what was destined to be her new home. Her mother had refused to leave the city for her daughter’s safety, and decided it would be best for the state to put her in a foster home. That left her now with a new surrounding to which she knew nothing about. Tears ran down her cheek, as she once again struggled with all her might to figure out what she had done, that she’d had to be put in a foster home for her protection of all things.  

The twins, who were now five going on six silently sat and cried in the backseat. Ebony Faith’s face was covered with tears while Ivory Hope’s neck was red from trying to maintain her posture as a big girl. They loved their big sister and didn’t want to see her go. Who would protect them now from those mean girls at the park? Everyone was scared of their older sibling, something the girls could never understand. They never saw one mean bone in her body. When mom would say no to a scoop of black walnut ice cream, Serenity would sneak them two spoonfuls while their mother ran the bath water. “Ren…” Ebony Faith called her sister’s name between sobs, “please don’t go. Don’t leave us! Tell momma you want to stay please!” Carolyn, her mother, looked at her with tear filled eyes and handed her a bag, which was no more than an oversized back pack. “Baby you know I love you with all of my heart. But…I, I just can’t take this any more Ren. One day you’re you and the next you’re someone else.” Tears began to make their way down Carolyn’s cheeks, leaving trails of mascara down her face as they leapt to her pristine white collared shirt. “I don’t understand mama.” Serenity managed to get out as she gripped the backpack strap tighter in her sweaty hands. “I know baby, I know.” Carolyn turned away from her to wipe the dark water from her face with the back of her hands. “But she does.” She stated nodding her head towards Serenity.

Carolyn reached out and slammed the door, and sped off down the empty street. Serenity watched the taillights; because she knew that that was the last time she’d ever see her mother. So bad she wanted to run down the street calling out to her mom in hopes that she’d slam on brakes in realize her mistake like they do in the movies. That wasn’t her life though. Taking deep breaths to control her sobs, she gripped the backpack and threw it over her shoulder. As she headed up the walkway towards the house, she heard a door close behind her. Wiping her face she turned and saw a teenaged boy, no more than nineteen years of age. He smiled at her, but she just turned and walked up to the house. Standing at the door, she rang the doorbell.

After a couple of chimes rang through the hallway, an elderly woman came towards the door. She was a cinnamon brown color, with Morris hair cut short. “Yes?” The woman looked at the shapely girl, who was dressed in tight jeans and an oversized t-shirt. “I’m Serenity Morris…uh I’m supposed to live here or something.” Serenity was nervous, as the woman looked her up and down. “Well come in. I’m Nancy, the Nelsons housekeeper. You a trouble child or something?” Serenity kept silent as Nancy led her through the moderate two-story house.

Exclusive BBW Group Excerpt

      When Tessa pulled into her apartment complex she could see He’brewq’s white Chevrolet Camaro sitting in front of her townhouse. Parked beside him was his close friend Prez in a black Dodge Charger. Tessa parked beside He’brewq’s car and pushed the button on her keys to open her back door to get the bags. He’brewq stepped out of his car and opened her passenger door. “Sup bey, you must just got here?” Tessa asked, assuming because he had a key to her apartment. “Where the fuck you been Tess?” He’brewq leaned into her car with his head and hands both resting on the top of the door frame. “I went to the mall to get some things. What’s up?” Tessa pulled the keys out the ignition and place them in her black Michael Kors messenger bag. “What’s up? Fuck you mean what’s up? Your ass been gone for hours and your phone off. What, you on some ho shit now?” He stepped back so that she could see his whole face. “Are you serious? My phone died. What the fuck is wrong with you He’?” She pulled her phone out to show him. He’brewq paid it no attention slamming her door. He climbed back in his car, started the ignition and made his exit burning rubber in the process. “Wow.” Tessa looked in shock as Prez followed suit.

     After getting all her bags in the house, Tessa proceeded to kitchen to finish a left over apple pecan salad she had in her fridge. After catching a couple of episodes of Modern Family she went to place her phone on the charger and run her bath water. She had never seen He’brewq that upset, and over nothing she kept thinking to herself. She had been gone hours before shopping and he had not had a problem with it. Squeezing the bottle of Warm Vanilla Sugar bubble bath under the running water she hadn’t noticed He’brewq standing in the bathroom door. “So who you were at the mall with?” he stood with his arms crossed staring at her. “Ooo shit! You scared the fuck out of me!” Tessa jumped dropping the whole bottle in the half filled tub. “Answer the question Tess.” He stepped towards her. Tessa turned the water off and sat the bubble bath on the bathroom counter. “Where this coming from boo?” She asked looking at him confused.  He’brewq took a deep breath as if to calm himself. “I’m not going to ask you again.” He stared down at her. She couldn’t help but laugh as he was talking to her as if she was his two-year old daughter Destiny. “Look I don’t know what the fuck you-“her sentence was cut short by the back of his left hand knocking her into the bathroom wall. “So you think I’m some pussy ass nigga now that I’m with you bitch?” He’brewq yelled while his right fist found its way to where his left hand had already made its mark. Tessa attempted to regain her composure partly out of fear but mostly out of anger. There was no way she was letting this dude lay his hands on her and get away with it. She had made up her mind she was going to beat his ass or kill him.

     Using the wall to square up, she began swinging and was connecting most if not all of her punches. With the way the two were moving around you could have sworn her bathroom was twelve feet by twelve instead of eight feet by four. Growing tired of her resistance He’brewq’s hands found their way around her neck and squeezed until her arms and legs went limp. He then tossed her from the bathroom to her bedroom floor where Prez stood with duct tape and black garbage bags. Tessa’s eyes grew big as adrenaline suddenly began to rush throughout her body. She took deep breaths and began to crawl backwards away from the both of them. “Baby wait! What the fuck I do?” she cried staring at He’brewq as he removed his ripped black t-shirt revealing his broad chest and flat stomach. He didn’t answer taking the duct tape from Prez and making his way towards her. “Prez please! Oh my GOD He’ what’s wrong with you? I didn’t do shit, I promise! Baby look at me! Look at me!” Tessa pulled back as he attempted to tape her legs together. “What ol’ boy say to you at the mall Tess?” He’brewq squatted in front of her. Tessa looked at him dumbfounded. She thought over her trip to the mall trying to figure out who the fuck “ol’ boy” was and what or why it was this crucial. She had never seen this side of He’brewq and it scared her. She now knew why his baby’s mother never questioned him when he would disappear with Destiny with no calls or warnings. He had to have pulled some similar shit with her she thought. Slap! He’brewq’s hand came hard across her face breaking her thoughts. “Lito, Tess. What were you doing with Lito?” He sat on her bed looking down at her. Tessa thought back to the light skinned man in Torrid. She couldn’t recall ever seeing him around South Memphis nor had she heard his name before tonight, so she was completely amiss of what, if any, the problem was with him. “Lito? Nothing baby. He helped me with my bags that’s it. I promise, I don’t know dude.” He’brewq stared down at the woman he had grown to love and wanted badly to believe her but business was business. Lito was moving in on his hustle and using every means available to make it happen.

     He’brewq had found it odd that the one night he had his goons following Lito that they happen to come across him and Tess and soon after one of his trap houses get knocked over. He had been in the streets far too long to believe in coincidences. Even if it was, he knew he would have to take the heat and explain how the fuck the shit happen and why the dude responsible was seen with his woman an hour or so before. “Yo Prez, get this shit out of here.” Prez made his way to Tessa and reached for the tape around her ankles. She jumped not knowing what was next. “Relax lil’ sis.” He stated calmly as if he wasn’t about to hurt her just a few moments prior. Tessa stared into Prez’s hazel eyes still hesitant in letting him come close to her. He pulled his pocket knife out and made an incision in the tape where her legs met and peeled it off her skin. He then grabbed the garbage bags and made his way out of her room. After a few clinks of metal and the sound of zippers being closed, Tessa heard her front door close and then the engine to Prez’s Dodge Charger. Her body relaxed a bit sensing that the imminent danger she never expected to see was over, but she soon forgot that thought realizing that He’brewq was still sitting in her bed. He didn’t say anything just stared forward at her wall. Tessa sat there beside her night stand afraid to move. Her face was hot and swollen from where his hits connected and she could feel the knot forming on the back of her head from when he tossed her into her room. “Go ahead and take your bath. I’m going to be in the living room.” He’brewq stood and left Tessa alone in her room with her thoughts.

      After twenty minutes of silent tears Tessa finally stood and made her way back over to her bathroom door. Stepping inside she noticed how her and He’brewq had managed to knock everything from her bathroom counter to the floor. She got on her knees and began picking up her facial cleanser, lotion, toothpaste and make-up bag. Placing everything back on the counter she made her way over to her Jacuzzi sized tub and touched the water. It had become cold so she reached down, pulled the drain, and decided on a shower instead. Shielded behind falling water she let out muffled sobs. However the Nichols in her couldn’t, wouldn’t let this slide. This man had placed his hands on her in her house. If her grandfather, D. Nichols, was still around she thought, it would only take one phone call. Drying herself off, Tess grabbed a pair of shorts, some socks, and a t-shirt forgetting her usual routine of rubbing JBCO on her skin and hair. After lacing her sneakers she grabbed one of her Campania lamps from her nightstand and made her way to the living room ready to do battle.

     He’brewq was sitting on the couch with his back towards the hallway Tessa was slowly making her way down. With one swift swoop she knocked him across the side of his head crushing the crystals that encrusted the lamp post. “Fuck!” He’brewq yelled out grabbing his head and leaning from the impact. “Maggot ass mother fucker! Who the fuck you think I am? So you a weak ass nigga that whoop on bitches I see!” Tessa climbed over the back of the couch and began to swing at the side of his face hoping to inflict as much damage as possible. She knew she couldn’t whoop him but if her mom had taught her anything about fighting, it was that fair ain’t in it. Zoning in on where his hands covered the gash she had given him from the lamp, Tessa swung with all her might attempting to make the wound worse. Still slightly in a daze it took He’brewq a second to realize who was hitting him. Moving his hand from his head in the midst of the blows his woman was raining down on him he saw the blood on his hands and blacked out. Standing he snatched Tessa’s legs from up under her and speared her into the couch knocking the wind out of her. She attempted to hop up and catch her breath but was met with a right-left combo to her jaw and chin. Shielding her face Tessa rolled to the floor before crawling a few steps to get away from He’brewq’s blows that were finding her back and side as his foot made its way to her ass propelling her forward into her dinette set. “You stupd bitch!” His voice bellowed off her vaulted ceilings as he made his way over to where she was beginning to stand.  “Fuck you, you piece of shit!” Tessa screamed back tossing the decorative plates off her table at his face. He managed to duck the first three but the last caught the top of his head as he reached out and grabbed her shirt ripping it and exposing the top of her chest. Tessa pulled away from him, ripping the shirt more until the point her left titty was out fighting with her. Running towards the kitchen she snatched open her kitchen drawer and pulled out her stainless steel butcher knife. She turned around quickly with her new defense ready to yield it only to find He’brewq’s fist connecting with her face. Tessa fell backwards into her refrigerator dropping the knife in the process.

     He stalked towards her and lifted her from the floor by her neck, restricting her air flow he leaned in until their noses were touching. “He must of paid you real good to betray me, because I know that fat fuck can’t fuck you right.” He said through gritted teeth as she scratched and pulled at his hands. Tessa could feel the color draining from her face and her body getting extremely weak. If He’brewq didn’t let go soon she knew he was going to kill her. “That’s enough.” She heard a raspy man’s voice come from behind He’brewq. Tessa continued to try and pull his hands from around her neck. “Rook, I am not going to repeat myself.” The voice hissed from the distance. He’brewq let go and Tessa slid to the floor. Unable to catch herself, she slipped into darkness.

Bzzzz! Bzzzz! Bzzzz! “Got damn!” Tessa screeched through gritted teeth looking towards her phone on the nightstand. She was happy it was a Saturday morning, as she did not feel up to doing anything. Still pissed off and sore about the night before she did not want to be bothered with anyone, especially He’brewq. As far as she was concerned, they were through. Fighting through the pain in her side, she managed to sit up in bed, reach over and grab her cell phone. Double tapping the screen on her LG G2 it reflected that she had to missed calls from “The Bae.” Seeing He’brewq’s nickname on her screen made her sick to her stomach. “Nah. I’m good lil’ dude.” She said to herself tossing the phone onto her bed. Standing, Tessa slowly made her way over to her bedroom mirror to examine the damage. Her entire face was swollen as well as her hands. There was knot on her left side that had a maroon color she noticed when she removed her already ripped shirt. “This muthafucka just don’t know.” Tessa was seething hot at this point. She grabbed her wide tooth comb off her dresser and attempted to comb out her wild hair so she could find a way to get her day started.

Tessa: Chapter 1 excerpt

Tessa

     Saturday morning the sun crept its way through the blinds and found Tessa’s blood covered face. She began to stir as the light illuminated her eyelids giving her a red light show as the beams bounced off the blood in her eyelids. “Aaahh!” she winced as she reached to shield her eyes with her right hand. The bruising on her arm matched the torn purple t-shirt she had worn last night in color and distress. Her face was equally bruised ranging from crimson red to a dark blue. Bzzzz! Bzzzz! Bzzzz! Her phone vibrated on her nightstand. She turned her body attempting to silence it but was met with a sharp pain on the left side of her torso. Her body was of no use to her this morning, something she hadn’t seen coming the night before.  Even more so she hadn’t expected it to come at the hands of her boyfriend He’brewq (Hay-Brook). Tessa had never thought of herself as the type of person to indulge in an abusive relationship and still did not. The right and logical thing to do would be to call the police.  However after her run in with He’brewq and his best friend Prez, she was not too eager to stir the pot and get authorities or her family involved. She of course, like some women she thought, found stimulation in the occasional rough housing and rough sex. However this moved beyond turning her on, it scared the hell out of her. So did this morning after when her movements were limited and all she could remember from the night before was He’brewq’s massive hand around her throat. Standing 6’5” weighing roughly 265, in times of passion he would lift Tessa’s nice sized frame as if it was nothing. Only 5’9” she had him by 30 pounds, but it didn’t matter.

      Laying on top of her beige comforter breathing lightly so as to not out stretch her sore body, Tessa could not help but to recall the happy moments of He’brewq covering her with kisses and all the love a chick could handle. He would show up at her apartment randomly with flowers and sock monkeys. It was so perfect; he was so perfect that she even found herself second guessing why this amazing man wanted to make her happy. He would shower with her after their passionate nights of sex and finish off by rubbing her body down with her favorite Japanese Cherry Blossom body lotion. For the past year or so the two had been inseparable. You couldn’t see one without the other, or even have a conversation without them bringing each other up; months of pure bliss and then this.

       Yesterday evening Tessa had managed to find her way to the Wolfchase Galleria Mall and had gotten lost in He’brewq’s wallet as she had done many times before. It was Friday; a pay day so she expected the mall parking lot to be full given how unseasonably warm it was for October. After driving around for few minutes she finally found a parking space a little ways down from the entrance near the carousel. Lightly eye shopping at some of the slimmer fitting stores she shimmied through the over crowded mall into Torrid. It was packed but not as much as other stores, something she’d love. It was her diamond in the rough. She loved being a standout, plump figure and all. Perusing through hangers and tables she grabbed a few items. She made her way into one of Torrid’s dressing rooms and tried on a black lace corset that she knew would go amazingly well with her Lucky Brand Ginger skinny leg jeans. Removing her shirt, she half pulled the corset closed just to see the effect it would give on her already full size D breasts. Eyeing herself in the mirror she was digging how it hugged her girls and gave that “soft titty” look as her home girl Nisha would call it. “Yasss, He’brewq is going to love this on me for real.” Throwing the corset back on the rack, Tessa redressed throwing on her Augusta red crop top ensuring that her liquid black Capri pants covered the bottom half of her stomach comfortably, and made her way to the register. 

     “Is this all for you today?” the brunette asked from behind the counter. Rocking a chevron print jumpsuit with her hair pulled up into messy bun she resembled a plus size model. “Yes, I think I have done enough damage in this mall today. You know you so look like Ashley Graham” Tessa smiled holding the other bags that weighed her arms down. The sales associate giggled, “Aw thanks ladybug! Well let’s go ahead and ring you up. Oooh I love this top!” Ashley Graham’s twin lifted the corset to admire it herself. After scanning the barcode she proceeded to remove the security tag and place the corset in a bag. “Are you interested in providing us with an email today? You’ll get 10% off your total.” She smiled at Tessa awaiting an answer. “Nah I’m good today boo.” Tessa reached in her purse for He’brewq’s credit card. “Okay no problem, your total is $74.84.” Tessa proceeded to swipe He’brewq’s card. “Now I wouldn’t mind seeing you in that myself.” A light skinned fellow mentioned from behind Tessa. She turned to gauge his comment. “Oh….is that a compliment?” She laughed as she took the bag off the counter. 

      The guy was maybe an inch or two shorter than Tessa and just about her size only slightly bigger. He rocked his hair smoothed back in a thick curly ponytail that rested at the top of his back. If he hadn’t spoke Tessa would have sworn he was Hispanic by the way he rocked his white tee with a gold rosary hanging around his neck, blue jean Levi’s and white Air Forces. “No ma’am, just stating a fact but I’m Lito.” He extended his hand sideways as if for a handshake. “What’s your name?” he asked as he gave Tessa’s hand a slight squeeze. “Tessa but people call me Tess.” She started to blush a little as she caught a whiff of his YSL cologne. She was so use to He’brewq’s Jean Paul Gautier cologne sending chills down her spine, that she hadn’t imagined a man smelling any other way.

"Big Sexy" and every none compliment you could give a plus size chick...

**Virtual Rant**

"What's up big sexy?" *Cue extreme eye roll*

This is in no way a compliment (to me). I am 28 years old with a Bachelor's and a Master's degree so I do not need you to inform me that I am big prior to telling me that I am sexy. I'll tell you why this bothers me so much. It goes in line with other HORRIBLE greetings/pick up lines I have had the UN-pleasure of hearing.

1. Your face is cute.
2. You are so cute for a big girl.
3. You're cute for a black girl.

Trust me, that list goes on and doesn't get any better. What in the entire fuck? Seriously, I heard comments like this so much growing up that I was foolish enough to believe them. I began to compartmentalize other plus size women and women of color. "I'm not as fat as her" or "She's darker than me," were words that had come out of my own mouth. Just that easy I let society manipulate my view of beauty so that I could fit there's even if it was in a small margin. These thoughts were confirmed with even more insult-pliments (compliments through the insulting of others) like "You're fat but not sloppy fat like her." Bitch what? Shit like this was actually okay to me. That is a toxic way of thinking.

It took me a long time to love and accept myself. It wasn't because I thought I was ugly, it was because society was trying to convince me that I was. This in turn made my every day battle a constant struggle to prove them wrong, not convince myself. I come from a long line of strong bitches. Yes bitches, not in the literal sense but metaphorically. By bitch I am referring to those ladies who speak their mind no matter what and seriously does not give a fuck what you think about them or what was said. In knowing where I come from and my household, I encountered so many women who found it hard to fight society for their beauty. I expected to see this hurt and confusion in young girls because it is a growing pain in the fact that you are still discovering yourself in your youth. What amazed me was running into women 10 or 20 years older than me still battling a self-hatred of being fat. 45 years on this earth and self love and acceptance had yet to broaden this woman's horizon. The words big, fat, huge, cow, and hippo brought tears to her eyes even if they were not in reference to her. Winning cookies in a raffle bothered her as she assumed it was an inside joke about the fat woman.

I know every person's journey is different. Not everyone has her mindset or mine for that matter. The point is, when you say "big" sexy you may be hurting someone instead of making them feel good about themselves. I love every inch of me because it's mine and nobody can love it as much as me. I own the big girl title, but I will not let you call me "big sexy" for the ladies out there that don't quite yet. But do feel free to call me a @KockyFatBitch when I don't respond to your lame ass! #LongLiveFatBitches

The Wake Up

     In a time where matters of color are a much needed egg shell topic, I have been forced to face an ever returning crossroads. Joining the body positive and natural hair movements recently I have started a journey of awakening and self appreciation. Taking on the independence that Americans once truly believed in or at least had convinced other that they did. You'll have to excuse me, as my first blog piece this will consist of a few moments of random babbling and free thoughts that just need to escape.

     In embarking upon my chosen life changes of accepting me entirely, I have to face who or what wasn't. Considering that I am not only deliciously chunky but also an amazing member of the 50 shades of brown clique (black), my adversary was old but stronger than one could ever imagine. Racism. In all honesty, I truly hate that word. I do not hate it for what it stands for or represents, but because of the fact that it is so negative that people fear having a simple conversation about it without the fear of having a finger pointed at them. This fear makes it hard to actually come to the table with solutions or the ability to move past it's sharp edges as one side needs to talk about it and the other thinks they are safer if they don't. Don't get me wrong, RACISM is terrible. It is a fucking disgrace to the human race. However, I will not let the stupidity of some stop me from promoting love and understanding with others.

     I begin my acceptance the best way I knew (I'll totally write about that separately), I over compensated for the negativity I saw in the world for big girls. I became amazingly cocky. For every one person who didn't like me, I loved myself ten times more. Man did my world change then. At that point some people had no choice but to love me, others...well fuck 'em.  I loved me and that was all that mattered. Finally, ten years after this change in love I went and found that person I had been hiding without even knowing. I went natural. I stopped processing my hair. Let it grow at it's natural state and learned the different techniques and natural remedies needed to care for my hair. What does this have to do with your journey you might ask...

    Initially it didn't have anything to do with the body positive movement I thought. My accepting my blackness, literally my roots (hair pun), had little or nothing to do with my being fat journey. That was until it became abundantly clear that individuals like Kelly Price, Mia X, Queen Latifah, Missy Elliot, Jennifer Hudson and Monique came in to the public eye loving their sizes. None were praised for not conforming. All were beautiful representations of the plus world. The latter of which was hugely body positive and my role model. Absolutely NO LOVE was shown or major acknowledgment given. All of these women have since (research should be done), mostly due to medical reasons, have lost a tremendous amount of weight. Even today one of the most amazing body positive personalities out there is Gabourey Sidibe, a woman of color. She played the grittiest "fat" roles (Precious...did you peep those camera angles) I've seen in entertainment to date. Yet, her mentions are few and far in between. Amber Riley is an amazing singer and fashionista yet when it comes to the body positive movement her mentions are few and far in between. Bella Brown is a GORGEOUS model....you get where I'm going with this?

     So as much as I was elated to celebrate body positivity, Tess' modeling contract, Melissa McCartney's success, Ashley Nell's Project Runway run...the elephant in the room was the fact that these ladies did not represent me. They were seeing and praising the big girls, but they still weren't seeing me. So as I write this, know that I have been baffled on trying to figure out a way to convey my hurt and disappointment without others feeling as if I am an "angry black woman" (a term used to describe a woman of color who is passionate and smart enough to know better in my eyes). As soon as I attempted to explain what I would like to write about in regards to body positive movement, red flags and caution tape were everywhere. "Choose your words wisely." "Don't say it like that." "Talk about this too." No.This is the matter at hand. It's not a one trick pony. There are NUMEROUS women and men of color in the body positive movement who are just as amazing and trendsetting as everyone else being covered in the media. If I come across as an angry black woman then fuck it, it is what it is. Some of these things do indeed piss me off. I will not use this as a way to bash anyone but I will promote the hell out of those beautiful people being slept on.

#longlivefatbitches
@KockyFatBitch